Sometimes, it seems we can get way too serious about life. We stress over things which are of no real significance. And, while it's true that we will, one day, have to account for each and every moment, I do think that life stays in perspective only when we keep the little things little and save our concerns for the things that really matter in our daily struggle for salvation.
I think, at times, it can seem that there is a very fine line between mountains and molehills or puddles and oceans, but the line is most definitely there. For me, an example of crossing the line would be to use humour to tease or to earn a cheap laugh, or to neglect the duties and obligations we have in our daily lives and vocations. Similarly, the line is crossed if we show disrespect and irreverence for the Lord, or if we treat lightly that which should be held sacred. And, this is what concerns me, now.
Recently, I have been a bit dismayed to see that searches for 'Jesus' and 'bread' are finding their way to a flimsy post I wrote on pop music, some months ago. The 'bread', in the title of that post, had nothing to do with Our Lord's Real Presence and I can only imagine the disappointment and confusion of those readers who have so frequently found themselves there, in their search for something more substantial. To settle my disquiet, I have decided to try and redirect traffic here, to a more serious explanation of my Eucharistic conversion, from Catholicophobe to joy-filled Catholic. So, to begin:
My path to the Church was winding, to say the least. It took me from a simple Quaker upbringing (I still have a lot of respect for Quakers and retain some Quaker philosophies) to a non-denominational and non-practicing (though, not agnostic) young adulthood - and, finally, to the peace and comfort of the Anglican church, in young motherhood. There I, probably, would have stayed had it not been for the prayers and letters of my sister, Sue, along with an inexplicably sudden urge for holiness, on my part. These earthly impulses were, I believe, supported by the heavenly prayers of certain people with whom I felt a strong spiritual connection, at that time.
Sue's influence in my conversion was inestimable as, together, we explored some very deep theological and moral issues, through letters and some very lengthy phone calls. But, it took a great, many months of pondering and waiting, for enlightenment and understanding to reach their fulfilment. The real turning point, eventually, came through my reading and our subsequent discussion of John 6:48-59. Given my background, it should come as no surprise to know that I initially interpreted Jesus' command to eat His Body and drink His Blood as being purely symbolic - as was the teaching in the church where I worshipped. The Eucharist was a remembrance and nothing more. However, my logic faltered when Sue challenged, 'Why were the disciples so offended if the bread wasn't Real Flesh? What reason could they have for leaving the Lord and, if they had mistaken His meaning, why did Jesus not call them back to set their minds at ease?'
Subsequent reading and re-reading of this chapter did not satisfy my reasoning. There seemed only one conclusion to draw from the narrative - Jesus really was instructing His followers to eat His Flesh and drink His Blood - and, not all of them liked it. For me, studying the evidence showed that Jesus was truly present, spiritually and bodily, here and now, in the Eucharist - contrary to my long-held beliefs. Feeling myself increasingly incapable of trusting my personal intellect, which had served me so well up until that point, I literally fell to my knees and begged God to open my mind to the Truth. I didn't care what it was or what it entailed, as long as it was His Truth alone, and not mine or anyone else's.
Well, the results of that prayer were the single most important moment of my being - and it changed my life forever. Suddenly, I felt a veil being lifted from my eyes as all the different pieces of life's jigsaw puzzle, effortlessly, fell into place. Everything, at once, made sense and, since that time, I have found no significant question which couldn't find a sensible explanation in the Catholic church.
Passages in the bible, which had seemed unclear or unimportant, now took on new significance as their meaning jumped out at me, from the pages I was reading. For the first time, I understood what Jesus meant when He gave Peter the keys of Heaven (Matt. 16:19). I, also, saw how Peter became the first pope (Matt. 16:18, John 21:15-19) and how Jesus' delegation of authority to the apostles (Matt 18:18, John 13:20) had implications for my own choices. I understood how Jesus gave the apostles the power to forgive sins (John 20:23) and how He, also, gave them the power to turn bread and wine into His Body and Blood (John 20:22, Matt. 26:27-28).
This last revelation was to turn my comfortable existence upside down, as the logical consequence of a belief in the Real Presence, within the church that Jesus instituted, is to leave your 'possessions' and follow Him. This raised some very practical questions. Of most importance, how could I continue to worship in the church of my family and friends, when I believed that Jesus was bodily present in another church and waiting for me to receive Him? I quickly realised that I didn't even have a choice in the matter. To stay where I was, believing as I did, would be more than a sin - it would be a total rejection of God. And, Sue, gently, confirmed my thinking.
So, I abandoned my family and the friends who had taught me so much, and I made a new, scary beginning in a Church which I had, hitherto, believed to be harsh and all-demanding. The very fact that all of my previously held convictions had proved worthless, in the face of God, was humbling - and vital to my conversion. It enabled me to view all of my old prejudices and misunderstandings with an open mind. I remember that I didn't understand the role of Mary, in our redemption, but I was willing to love her and let her love me, in return. What followed was a gradual understanding and a growing relationship with our Heavenly Mother. The initial acceptance was rewarded beyond measure, as Our Lady has guided, comforted and protected us, over the years that have followed.
During my time of inquiry, I felt torn in my searching. I was a bit afraid of what I might discover because I was pretty comfortable with my own way of thinking and my life, as I was living it. However, I very soon got to the point of no return and I knew that, one way or another, I was going to discover the Truth because I had made the first step. Whether I liked where it led to was irrelevant and the only question asked of me was to accept or reject.
Well, for me, who already loved Jesus very dearly, there was only one possible response and, though, I felt that I sacrificed much to follow Him, I felt more excitement and joy than I had ever felt, in my life, before. Despite the fact that my husband didn't join me on this journey, I had his support and our children are being brought up in the Faith. The prayers of my sister and, I suspect, countless other souls, have brought graces to our family which have given meaning, purpose and, at times, great joy to our existence. We thought we were quite happy before our conversions, but Jesus in His Church has given us more than we could possibly have imagined. Life changed from black and white to colour in that one moment of humility, when faith and mercy embraced, in an endless sea of Love and Compassion.
I guess what I wanted to share with this post, which has no real quality or merit, is that life is made up of the whimsical and the sublime. The whimsical, I think, serves for humour, but the sublime is, in Truth, our greatest joy and salvation.
God bless:)
(An account of this time, through Sue's eyes, can be seen here, at Sue Elvis Writes.)
